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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 18:03:53 GMT -5
Fuck. Pregnant friend. She's over 35, which means extra testing, and just got the results back. Positive for trisomy 13. They are going to retest, but her Dr. said it's unlikely that it's wrong.
I started googling and got overwhelmed. Anyone have any thoughts or basic BLUF info?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
This was such a light and a sign of hope and happiness for so many people right now, not just her (it's a girl) parents. It felt like a sign that the world was continuing on and surviving, and good things were to come. I don't want to make this about me; it of course isn't. But somehow the news seems even worse than this terrible new would have been under more normal times. For everyone.
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Post by coachgrrl on May 9, 2020 18:26:26 GMT -5
I’m so sorry
If you’ve googled you probably already know, this trisomy has a poor prognosis.
All you can do is be there for your friends and support whatever decision they make.
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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 18:29:44 GMT -5
I am at a loss about what to say to her. I've known about three pregnancy for a couple week. She just announced to the friend group yesterday. I want her to know I will support whatever choice she makes, but I don't even want to bring that up yet. I really don't know what words to give her now. Nothing seems like the right thing to say. Even saying how sorry I am seems wrong, because maybe she still sees this as the daughter she wants so much, and I don't want to be sorry about that, if she's not feeling sorry (though surely she is feeling sad and scared and upset, of course).
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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 18:30:25 GMT -5
I am at a loss about what to say to her. I've known about three pregnancy for a couple weeks. She just announced to the friend group yesterday and I suspect she wishes she had waited. I want her to know I will support whatever choice she makes, but I don't even want to bring that up yet. I really don't know what words to give her now. Nothing seems like the right thing to say. Even saying how sorry I am seems wrong, because maybe she still sees this as the daughter she wants so much, and I don't want to be sorry about that, if she's not feeling sorry (though surely she is feeling sad and scared and upset, of course). |
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Post by coachgrrl on May 9, 2020 18:55:59 GMT -5
I think you just tell her, words can’t express how sorry you are to hear her news. Then be there, that’s all you can do. I’m sorry. That is just so much suck 😞
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Post by Sprockey on May 9, 2020 19:49:18 GMT -5
Ugh. I'm sorry for your friend. It would be nice if the world could cut us all a break right now.  |
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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 20:23:01 GMT -5
I think you just tell her, words can’t express how sorry you are to hear her news. Then be there, that’s all you can do. I’m sorry. That is just so much suck 😞 It's not insensitive to say I'm sorry? I'm probably overthinking, but somehow that feels like I'm already mourning this, and maybe she's still seeing this as her child? I'm not explaining that well. I guess it just feels like I'm saying this is even worse than maybe she's perceiving it? Like, if you said, "I'm sorry" to someone who was having a deaf baby or a baby with some physical disability, they might bristle, so maybe for her this would be like that? |
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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 20:23:45 GMT -5
Ugh. I'm sorry for your friend. It would be nice if the world could cut us all a break right now. Yes. When she told me about this a couple weeks ago, it truly felt like that break. It wasn't. |
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Post by mmeblue on May 9, 2020 21:30:23 GMT -5
I think you just tell her, words can’t express how sorry you are to hear her news. Then be there, that’s all you can do. I’m sorry. That is just so much suck 😞 It's not insensitive to say I'm sorry? I'm probably overthinking, but somehow that feels like I'm already mourning this, and maybe she's still seeing this as her child? I'm not explaining that well. I guess it just feels like I'm saying this is even worse than maybe she's perceiving it? Like, if you said, "I'm sorry" to someone who was having a deaf baby or a baby with some physical disability, they might bristle, so maybe for her this would be like that? I think you can tell your friend that you're sorry this is the road she's having to walk. Even if she is hopeful in the midst of this, she likely knows it will not be easy. |
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Post by villanelle on May 9, 2020 21:56:56 GMT -5
Thank you, Mme. I think that's the prefect middle ground I've been trying to find.
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Post by Mamapalooza on May 25, 2020 23:14:16 GMT -5
Awww, I am just seeing this now. How is your friend, vill? Poor little babes, that is a real tough one. |
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Post by villanelle on May 26, 2020 12:54:57 GMT -5
Her ultrasound showed no heartbeat. D&C last week. I think she's doing as well as can be expected.
As heart wrenching as that is, it almost seems like the best case scenario in my mind and based on my values. It prevented her from making some tough decisions.
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Post by jen on May 26, 2020 13:57:56 GMT -5
Oh how awful 😕
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Post by Peachy on May 26, 2020 14:48:04 GMT -5
I’m so sorry for your friend, vill. That’s heartbreaking!
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Post by lizziebeth on May 29, 2020 0:29:12 GMT -5
I’m so sorry for your friend. That is hard. 😔
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Post by Mamapalooza on Jun 1, 2020 0:46:56 GMT -5
Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your friend.
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