|
|
Post by jen on Apr 16, 2020 5:39:01 GMT -5
|
|
emmjay
Full Member
Posts: 1,734
|
Post by emmjay on Apr 16, 2020 5:57:34 GMT -5
This has come up a few times in various expat groups I am in on Facebook. Normally within the context that British culture tends to be more Guess while US is more Ask, and people struggle with relationships, friendships, jobs, etc because of it. It’s hard to say. I do think there are some cultural differences in terms of politeness, directness, etc that broadly fall under these categories but I know too many people who are exceptions to make a blanket statement. I’m not sure what I am. Does that make me a guesser?  |
|
|
|
Post by coachgrrl on Apr 16, 2020 10:02:42 GMT -5
Def more of a guess. But as I’ve aged there is some Ask seeping in.
My sister is an Ask esp as a business woman. I’m astounded at her negotiating skills. Her response “they can always say no”
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Apr 16, 2020 11:05:39 GMT -5
I'm definitely a guesser. I have tried to be more of an asker, but it's hard to reprogram 50 years of habit. I was taught it's rude to be demanding. I think a lot of women were taught the same thing.
|
|
|
|
Post by villanelle on Apr 16, 2020 19:26:19 GMT -5
I am a guesser. My sister is a zillion percent an asker. That combination means that family decisions usually go her way, simply because she demands asks for what she wants and I tend to remain quiet.
|
|
|
|
Post by GiftOfFlavor on Apr 16, 2020 20:12:51 GMT -5
That’s interesting. I think I’m an Ask person because I tend to be direct and I don’t necessarily care about rejection much.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mamapalooza on Apr 16, 2020 20:30:19 GMT -5
More of a guesser, but less so than when I was younger. WE had someone ask if he could stay with us for awhile and we said sure, thinking it would be a few days or couple weeks at most. It's been nearly 6 years and he refuses to leave. So we're leaving.
I don't know how long the OP's friend was intending to stay, but I don't blame them for wanting to say no.
|
|
|
|
Post by Peachy on Apr 16, 2020 21:25:25 GMT -5
More of a guesser, but less so than when I was younger. WE had someone ask if he could stay with us for awhile and we said sure, thinking it would be a few days or couple weeks at most. It's been nearly 6 years and he refuses to leave. So we're leaving. I don't know how long the OP's friend was intending to stay, but I don't blame them for wanting to say no. WTF?! I feel like we need background and details here. And by we, I mean me. 😂 |
|
|
|
Post by Mamapalooza on Apr 16, 2020 21:29:16 GMT -5
More of a guesser, but less so than when I was younger. WE had someone ask if he could stay with us for awhile and we said sure, thinking it would be a few days or couple weeks at most. It's been nearly 6 years and he refuses to leave. So we're leaving. I don't know how long the OP's friend was intending to stay, but I don't blame them for wanting to say no. WTF?! I feel like we need background and details here. And by we, I mean me. 😂 It's a long story. Suffice to say, from a legal perspective as a renter without a lease, I have no recourse to make him leave so we're at the point where we're going to. The law views him as a roommate rather than a tenant. He's my step dad's son. He was okay when he first showed up but he's lost his marbles and he's vindictive, and we've had more than enough. Moral of this story: be very careful who you let into your house. |
|
|
|
Post by Peachy on Apr 16, 2020 21:47:11 GMT -5
Oh damn, that’s tricky! Sorry you’re dealing with that.
|
|
|
|
Post by justthinking on Apr 16, 2020 22:21:46 GMT -5
More of a guesser, but less so than when I was younger. WE had someone ask if he could stay with us for awhile and we said sure, thinking it would be a few days or couple weeks at most. It's been nearly 6 years and he refuses to leave. So we're leaving. I don't know how long the OP's friend was intending to stay, but I don't blame them for wanting to say no. Yikes! I can not even imagine! |
|
|
|
Post by nansel on Apr 17, 2020 9:08:00 GMT -5
I think this is the most important point in the article. I think that in the context of business relationships, Ask makes sense. But in your private life, Guess is more nuanced and polite. I think I differ from some of you all, because I don't see Ask as being necessarily better.
Ask is a social sledgehammer that works great in negotiating a deal, but maybe not within a tight social circle. When someone you love calls and says "I'm going to be in town in July" you have the easy option of saying "great, we'll clear out the guest room for you!" or "we're going to be busy, but we'd love to see you at some point when you're here" or whatever. "Can I stay with you in July?" is a yes or no question. And it puts the recipient on the spot to explain or deny. An ask in that situation is like a little kid going up to another kid on the playground and saying "I like your toy, give it to me!". What's the big deal, the other kid can say no, right? Personally, I'd be mortified if my kid did that and teach them some manners. When my actual now grown up kid told her dad and I that she told her new boss she wanted a promotion and a raise and got it, we were proud of her. Business vs personal - two different situations.
|
|
|
|
Post by villanelle on Apr 17, 2020 15:47:35 GMT -5
Oh, I definitely don't think ask is better. I think it is easier for the person in question--they are more likely to get what they want. But that is at the cost of other people getting what they want, and/or making other people in to the bad guy.
|
|
