mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 13:27:19 GMT -5
The nursing home called today and wants to put my dad on hospice care. He has been declining the last couple of months, but he can still walk on his own and feed himself for the most part. He doesn't eat much anymore and is getting frightfully skinny. He needs complete care for everything else---he's completely incontinent and really can't communicate much at all. He's almost completely deaf and completely blind.
I know nothing about hospice other than I thought it was for people who had 6 months or less of time left. I'm kind of resentful of the nursing home because it seems to me this is about them doing even less for him than they had been. He's never been kept as clean as I would like and they've always seemed less than attentive. It's not any worse than other nursing homes in the area, and probably better than a lot of them. But, you know how skilled nursing facilities can be.
Can I realistically expect that he may have only 6 months? They seemed reluctant to say, but everything I've read says the main guideline is 6 months. I have most arrangements made, but I probably have a few more things to do if that's the case. I've been putting them off as it's upsetting, but I know I need to do it.  |
|
|
|
Post by Sprockey on Jan 22, 2019 13:57:05 GMT -5
No advice, just ((hugs))
|
|
|
|
Post by alicechalmers on Jan 22, 2019 14:00:13 GMT -5
I am sorry.
This is a really good idea. Hospice brings more resources to the table than he currently has available to him. While the concept of hospice is for six months life expectancy, it's just an estimate and is often extended. In fact, people placed on hospice often live longer and better than people with the same diagnosis who do not receive hospice care. But at this stage of dementia, six months is a reasonable estimate. Once people start losing weight, the decline can be rapid.
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 14:03:41 GMT -5
I am sorry. This is a really good idea. Hospice brings more resources to the table than he currently has available to him. While the concept of hospice is for six months life expectancy, it's just an estimate and is often extended. In fact, people placed on hospice often live longer and better than people with the same diagnosis who do not receive hospice care. But at this stage of dementia, six months is a reasonable estimate. Once people start losing weight, the decline can be rapid. Thanks. This is all new to me. I don't have experience with hospice. He's 5'11' and his last weigh in a month ago was only 138 lbs. He's got a large frame and he looks like a skeleton. |
|
|
|
Post by alicechalmers on Jan 22, 2019 14:12:01 GMT -5
It's time, then. Hospice really is amazing. Both my grandmothers, and recently my cousin were on hospice care and I just can't say enough about it. As a general rule, if you can put someone on hospice, do it. I've never seen it be the wrong answer. Be open to it and ask to speak with a hospice nurse - they're amazing resources and will help you with the process. |
|
PB&J
Full Member
Posts: 288
|
Post by PB&J on Jan 22, 2019 14:12:55 GMT -5
My dad was suggested for hospice a few times, mostly because he would get a little more personal attention than a skilled nursing facility could give him. He was in an SNF for about 2 years. He began to decline very rapidly (hourly, very fast) and we didn't ever make it to hospice, but the hospice we chose was in a hospital and they had a MUCH better staff/patient ration and he would have gotten much better care. So it would have been a good choice for him. That was one question I had, how long can someone stay on hospice? There is no X amount of time and if he had improved he could always have left hospice.
I'm sorry you are having to face this. It's rough. ((hugs))
|
|
|
|
Post by puppylove on Jan 22, 2019 14:30:48 GMT -5
My brother was in hospice for a very short time but they were wonderful. Hospice doctors have access to everything (drugs and all sorts of medical assistance) and there isn’t any drama about getting done what is necessary.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 14:38:53 GMT -5
I've always known he was dying, but hospice sounds so final. I mean, I know Alzheimer's is a fatal disease, and honestly, I often wish he'd just pass peacefully in his sleep. It just seems so much more imminent. He'll be 87 next month. Hard to believe. It just sucks. My FIL is not in good shape---can barely walk and is on dialysis. My stepdad has emphysema and is on oxygen. Aging certainly isn't for the faint of heart. |
|
|
|
Post by shaena on Jan 22, 2019 14:42:23 GMT -5
My mother was a hospice volunteer for many years. She had one lady, her name was Mary, for 2 years. She brought Mary everywhere, so much so she really became a part of our family as well. Mary always joked she was going to be kicked out of the program.  As others have said it's such a wonderful valuable program. I wish you well. |
|
|
|
Post by jen on Jan 22, 2019 14:48:41 GMT -5
I understand. I visited my mom yesterday and I'm not sure she ever gets out of bed. 😕
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 14:51:45 GMT -5
I understand. I visited my mom yesterday and I'm not sure she ever gets out of bed. 😕 They get him up for meals and sometimes can get him to sit in the common area. That's it, but he sleeps most of the time. |
|
|
|
Post by kimbelina on Jan 22, 2019 15:31:09 GMT -5
I'm sorry mare ((hugs))
|
|
|
|
Post by Peanut on Jan 22, 2019 15:39:06 GMT -5
I'm so sorry he has rec=ached this point, but so glad he has you looking out for him.
Big hugs.
|
|
|
|
Post by krisa on Jan 22, 2019 15:46:52 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are going through this, it is not fun.
Hospice will need to come in and evaluate him and speak with you. They will ask what his wishes are and what you want done. If he isn't ready, they will tell you.
My mom was on hospice care for quite some time (I can't remember exactly how long) and they were great. They always made sure she was comfortable and would sometimes just sit with her and sing to her. When she started sleeping all the time, it wasn't much longer before she passed.
|
|
|
|
Post by realcranky on Jan 22, 2019 16:11:02 GMT -5
Hospice brings a lot of resources, and they refocus on comfort care.
I’m still kind of bitter that hospice said my mom didn’t qualify, and she died 3 days later.
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 16:20:21 GMT -5
Hospice brings a lot of resources, and they refocus on comfort care. I’m still kind of bitter that hospice said my mom didn’t qualify, and she died 3 days later. That's terrible. |
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 22, 2019 16:21:45 GMT -5
I think he still needs to be certified. I'm meeting with the hospice company tomorrow. I gather the doctor has to do the certification.
|
|
|
|
Post by Peachy on Jan 22, 2019 17:40:27 GMT -5
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Thinking of you!
|
|
|
|
Post by coachgrrl on Jan 22, 2019 20:05:18 GMT -5
My parents were both on hospice. My dad for 3 months, my mom 2weeks. They were amazing. As hard as it is, they made my parents and our whole family comfortable. I’m sorry he’s reached this point.
|
|
mare
Full Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by mare on Jan 23, 2019 13:07:09 GMT -5
So now they are doing a 180. I swear nursing homes are the absolute dregs of healthcare. They think his weakness is due to him being on daily Metamucil. He's been on that since he came to the nursing home due to the bowel blockage he had. So, they are going to take him off of it and see if it helps his constant diarrhea. I wouldn't think that one daily dose if it would cause watery diarrhea all day long. I wonder if something else is going on with him?
|
|
As others have said it's such a wonderful valuable program.
